my vagina has a 5:00 shadow
I glued a penny on the door Tricia believes its Patrick Swayze haunting our apartment. Fuckin potheads.
im sorry but my first introduction to your dick isn't going to be a pic sent from the men's room
you tried to do a keg stand and ended up flipping over it and onto the table
we drove through mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu. We told the workers that were making Super Size Me 2, drove away without paying and told them to bill our producer.
i make up for being a shitty girlfriend by being amazing in bed.
Tell your boyfriend I'm sorry for ruining his vein. I'm never drawing blood drunk again.
i gave her a can of corn and told her the cabs are accepting non perishable food items over the holidays. blatant lie and she lives like $40 away
For some reason there are two like 10 year old black girls crumping at the bar. I feel like I'm in a missy elliot video.
SARAH B AND I ARE GOING TO GO HALFSIES AND BUY YOU A CAT. IS THAT OKAY. TO KEEP YOU COMPANY DURING THUNDERSTORMS SUCH AS THIS ONE. ITS BECAUSE WE LOVE YOU.
Well, when you bump into your parents at a swingers meetup, it's time to change cities
I need rollerblades now
Rollerblades pick up bitches
She walked out and announced that he was now part of our confused, incestuous, glorious eskimo family. I've never been more proud.
Campus is too small for this to keep happening
Smoked a blunt with my dad then introduced him to cinnabon delights. Today was a good day.
Don't make me do math I'm drunk and full of chicken
Randomize
