Hey, do you have a beer bong you could drop off at my little brother's place?
had no condoms so I just made do with an empty doritos bag.
Just did a line with a monopoly bill. Tell me I'm not fancy.
We had sex on a ferris wheel in canada, our relationship will never be the same
i feel this outfit says i'm better than you, but i might give you a handjob behind a building
Just had a handjob preempted by a huge bolt of static electricity leaping from her fingertip to my sack. I hate this time of year.
Just asked the bartender if I could use the register to see my grades.
He's reached the drunk point where he's trying to convince the family to buy falcons as pets. Can't wait to see how my steak turns out
I think I might be drunk enough to cut my own hair
FYI...Jose likes Shamrock shakes better than Jack
Dude. The amount of love and appreciation from a house full of stoners when you come home at 4 am with donuts is overwhelming. The kind of love to make Jesus have to work a little harder at his unconditional love thing.
They just broke the window so they could get in and smoke the taxi driver out...
I wanted to buy shoes but nothing fit. So i'm getting a vibrator.
long story short, the bouquet was used as a sacrificial torch
I got my period on eclipse day. I'm officially in line with the moon.
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