I have to tell you about my conversation with the cloud dragon!
He told me he had more lines than a plaid shirt
Before I left in the morning I deleted her purity ring app off her iPod, I figured it would save her the shame
Her birthday cake consisted of a shot of tequila with a candle in it
beyond obliterated. i recall legitimately trying to use a ballpoint pen as eyeliner.
His penis will pick the quickest route to vagina. it's like an biological onstar.
There's a creepy homeless guy with no hand trying to get up on our tacobell order
Please high five our old drug dealer for me please.
Asking the homeless man what buss shelter is the warmest was not a good idea
She's posted my bail. Twice. Of course I'm going to be her wing girl.
Diet Starts Tomorrow! Guy from McDonalds asked if I got a new car...
I don't know how Dave is alive, I feel like he's been drinking since I met him.
You said this was your mistake shot and then vomited on the tv. Never forget.
There's something really beautiful about walk of shaming past the Capitol.
On a scale from 1 to total dick, how inappropriate is it to pick your boyfriend up from rehab with a hangover?
Randomize