I gave her a mint afterward. It felt like giving turndown service at Hotel BJ.
It doesn't matter if he doesn't speak English because I speak the international language of blowies.
ok, I understand that your bathroom door is broken, but at least close the blinds next time you take a shit. The entire parking garage just watched you.
What's the appropriateness of putting a 50 cent lyric in my gmas eulogy?
Were at her birthday dinner and her dad keeps buying me shots saying when I was your age I fucked the shit outta girls
Hahahahahaha remind him your dating his daughter
Apparently I walked up to him, mumbled something incoherently, then started to make out with him. Why does this always happen.
I think we've had way too many heart to hearts in the Mc Donalds parking lot for this to be a healthy relationship
So I did end up texting him last night... I asked him how he felt about haircuts... not sure where I was going with that one?
Was having the best sex dream I've had in a while and only woke up when I heard my grandma fall down the stairs.
Idk man there's lots of bad dick but even a bad cookie is still pretty good
His girlfriend left him for the pizza guy. I am not fucking kidding.
Keep in mind this was 2012... YOLO was a very new concept.
90% sure I just opened a snapchat of you in a fuzzy bathrobe next to your ceiling collapsing
Don't do it. It's 9 am on a Monday morning and I'm hungover. I can't deal with tears right now.
Is this making any sense, because I’m puking and trying to be Philosophical right now
Randomize
