seriously i just wanna be friends
pass
We fucked standing up with my right leg over his shoulder. Thank you mom and dad for having once enrolled me in gymnastics. It has finally paid off
She brought an overnight bag to my party. Might as well have shown up wearing only a thong and a bottle of whip cream in her hand.
So at what point do I tell her that I like fucking these hot southern girls more than I like my relationship with her?
It's been 5 months since I last wore a condom.
Not including when spray tanning
No I'm done finals, but I'm not coming home until these hickeys are gone.
I just took a shot out of my supervisors unzipped jeans. Our staff parties are getting a little too personal
I'm a gymnast. they should know better than to let me get dunk near anything i can flip on
He unbuckled his belt, tipped his hat at me, then told me to "saddle up"
this is like your 5th cowboy right? where do you keep finding these guys?!!
he's a firefighter. like being a firefighter screams MY DICK IS HUGE SO I'M NOT AFRAID TO DIE IN THIS FIRE.
I think I need to see a chiropractor after giving that blow job
I just remembered you petting my nose last night to help the cocaine 'sink in'. I don't think that's how it works
Something I never want to forget. I'm in a porta potty and she is outside knocking on the door going "You're a queen. You're a queen. Never think any different"
Gonna try and have sex in the empire state bldg, will tell you how it goes
I thought he was a lobster and that the moon was going to pull me through him.
I don't think I should try acid.
Randomize