so im watching realhousewives of jersey with my mom. she just said they werent really rich bc they were doing their own makeup.
she farted while i was going down on her. not doing that again
I haven't shaved so I have to behave myself. I'm going to do this from now on.
So, you didn't have time to come pick me up but you did have time to get plastered and then write "champagne money" on every one of my statuses for the past month?
I was unaware that a tutu and pasties was appropriate attire to this
I woke up and blew hamburger out my nose. That kinda night.
Every time I try to stand up the back of my head feels like a bunch of little elves are beating the inside of my scalp with their toy making tools. What disease could this be?
One time she made a chronological chart for the guys she has given blow jobs to, I shit you not.
You wanted to thank my penis. You wanted me to take the condom off so you could touch it and thank it.
You were dancing with a coffee pot of rum in one hand and a joint in the other. So that should explain everything.
How exactly does one go about seducing an older, possibly blind gentleman?
Idk I was embarrassed that I hit it too hard so I played it off by spitting out bong water like a 'whales blowhole'
I never realized how weird our shower smells until I cracked a shower beer and had a familiar aroma to compare it to.
Being home for break is weird, just had a full convo with my dad about what I wanted for dinner, while a dildo was on top of me under my comforter
The cat ate a weed mint. This is not a drill
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