Everything went well, until I walked into his bedroom and there was a Ronald Reagan poster watching over his bed - creepy
Just checked my missed calls... why did you call me 37 times from 2:14 to 3:58?
it makes it look bigger when i shave, i hope its not the same for a girl
You owe me new eyes. The ones I have are burned with your balls into the back of my eyes. And every time I close them, your balls are right there...
oh sorry. I thought "boat" was code for "penis"
after she rolled over and said 'i'm so glad you're like my gay best friend, love you' then left. did i just get friendzoned AFTER sex??
I was at a bus stop, eating a load of bread. Fairly sure I'm the poster child for poor students.
He bought a sex swing! He's building the playground of my dreams!!!!
Spent fifteen minutes in the car thinking i was psychic before i realized the cd was not on shuffle
Wait do you remember that guy last night asking to use my nose ring to open his beer.......
Being in nursing school really pays off when your dealer tries to pass off naproxen as Percocet. Like I may have made a C in pharm but I aced the pain drug test
Dude. I keep thinking about how I let a man gum my vagina.
Pretty sure I just scored Election Day sex based on the theory that if either of these fools win the world as we know it is over so we might as well get a few orgasms in...
Just had to break it to that one guy that I can't sleep w him bc he looks identical to my brother. So how's your morning?
Just opened my sisters laptop to "cute places to lose my virginity" googled last
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