I'm playing wingman, but I want to pull a Goose and die.
New all-time record for most uncomfortable I've ever been. A midget just asked me to restrap his fanny pack in the bathroom.
let's skip the party, and just play drunken wii, again. its time to give my vag a break.
I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.
Everything was good until you pulled the bartenders hair because she cut you off
There's a skateboard on the patio and all the chips are gone. The note on the fridge says 'don't buy cheese'. Stop letting her go outside.
Drinking down Plan B with a 5 hour energy. Winding down welcome week in style.
IT'S A HOLY FESTIVAL. A BUDDHIST CELEBRATION OF PENIS.
tried to out drink an american air force weapons loader. never again
We were making fun of some people having sex on the beach, an hour later we were having sex on a golf course
She's still here. My penis can feel it.
Dude, I think she left with some dude like an hour ago
FOUND HER. I swear this thing is like a metal-detector
it was an ACCIDENT
it was a DICK
You took the receipt and ate it. You then took it out and gave it to the waitress with slobber and holes all over it.
it's 1043 pm. still havent changed out of the shirt i wore last night so at this point i figure i'll go for twosies.
Man it shouldn't be possible to get mad while you're stoned. I feel like ive broken one of the laws of physics
Randomize
