Why did you send me a picture of a dick?
It was an accident sry. Not mine tho.
I think id rather eat ped egg shavings.
dude i just saw a topless girl trying to get into her locked car. im moving here
Ryan Howard.... the only guy who struck out more than me this weekend
Vodka and Eggs at 9:30AM = thank you, America.
Ok well I'll be up all night studying if you need a wake up call or a place to put your penis.
Thanksgiving Shitshow: My grandparents found me passed out on the bathroom floor wearing nothing but a scarf made of toilet paper
And then he told me he just wanted me to hold his cock while we watched tv...
Last night was good. Things got bad when I found a sledge hammer.
is there a way to say "yea i broke my wrist cause i fell down some stairs while tripping my face off on acid" without actually saying it?
the conference was great. we had to hide the acid in a planter in front of the department of agriculture though
There's a set of buzz lightyear wings in lost and found at work. I just need access to your roof.
Your grandma found me sleeping in my car this morning, and she wanted me to tell you she was going to church... Also, last night was amazing.
Having Father’s Day on Pride weekend is always so awkward. “Hey dad just calling to say I love you.” While I’m navigating my way through a pop up pool at a bar riding a penis floatie. Happy Father’s Day.
wait you like me?? for my personality??
I know I was surprised too
Randomize