he chased her out of the bar yelling "TAKE MY VIRGINITY" and i havent seen her since
shes trying to light up her bowl in front of the fan. everytime it blows it out she just gives it a dirty look.
If im going to fail a midterm I might as well be drunk while I do it
please stop telling ppl youre Alice Cullen when youre drunk
Canada: barely better than America at a sport they invented.
I met her dad while holding 4 empty beer bottles at the opera house. I think I made a hell of an impression.
The way I see it, everyone on campus has a fake, but I'm the only person who actually makes beer in their dorm.
Just found out I called my mom at six in the morning to ask where the bong was. I win.
If I puke off the kayak tomorrow think nothing of it.
We had hangover sex and then I called a taxi home. Told him I didn't want his number because, if it was meant to be, we would fuck again. He called me the queen of one night stands.
And dildos are 35% off. So. Ya know. Savings.
Was booty called last night and I was so blacked out that my roomie made me puke before going to "eye of the tiger." Why I'm still single is beyond me
But once you explained how to fill cupcakes with semen I realize you were harmless and right on my level.
And Mike keeps telling Will that love at first sight is true and this is just a shit show. Help.
I just made deviled eggs for everyone not passed out. Im officially becoming a drunk chef.
Randomize
