were having a shit on karen session at work but then she walked in so we used code names instead and she tried to join in like she knew them
what has two thumbs and is going to bang you boss on monday?
Man, only now that I'm single is it painfully obvious that I have zero booty calls in waiting. This could be a cold winter
Ok roommate is officially weird. Just watched her microwave the same broccoli 3 times in a row and cry b/c she fucked it up. Wtf lol
No more co-pays for contraceptives. Whoever says Obama is a bad guy has clearly never had a pregnancy scare.
sorry to break it to you, but he's definitely fucking that other girl now...
I wish I still at least had the bruises on my ass to remember him by.
When he was fat he reminded me of my high school best friend and I just wanted to hug him and hug him. Also, he's funny and humor is the fastest way into my pants after Doctor Who and liquor.
I love the fact that my Mom has been present at 90% of my drug deals.
Your birthday is now over. Your day in the spotlight has dimmed and now you're as special as everyone else. The world goes back to revolving around me. Good night.
Worst. Date. Ever. He peeled a layer of bread off his mini burger buns because they had "too many carbs".
I think after tonight I'm 85% lesbian
So the 25yr old smokeshow I fucked last night said "Prepare to be disappointed" as he put the condom on. I was. 40 is bullshit.
I left my red butterfly dildo laying on my bedroom floor this morning....my landlord is currently showing the house to people. Fuck can't ever face him again.
what the fuck happened to the tacos
well, i found him passed out on a picnic table two miles away with a lit cig in his hand...he had a rough night
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