You picked a bad night to stay in. ____ caught her hair on fire in ____'s birthday cake.
She had to stop drop and roll while two other girls beat the flames out. She might have a black eye
If a cop asks you "Where do you go for fun?", it's not a pick up line...especially if he just pulled you over.
woke up in a freezing tub of water at 6 am again. probably should stop the drunk baths
Just discovered Kim Possible porn. Life is now complete.
Yeah things got weird. You ate an entire bag of hotdog buns, then tried to catch a tree on fire with a candle.
You tried to sled down the middle of the street. In. Your. Coat. Of course you are bruised.
Okay, we really need to start training for the St Pattys parade. 48 hours of green beer won't end well if we don't prep ourselves. 2 week bender starts now
Just smoked out of an apple with Steve Jobs. I love Halloween.
I woke up with flowers, a tiara & pasta salad in my bed. Tequila makes me act like a fat Disney princess
So to recap Superbowl Sunday - I won $100, bumped into the anti-christ and his cult, met a guy in a kilt and a wican, then got invited to a gayguy afterhours party.
Gonna be tough to beat that next year!
In honor of Sarah Palin's bday I suggest we watch Nailing Palin
Oh Jesus. Are you going to the hospital?
No I'm showering then leaving for Vegas
After this week, alcohol is mandatory.
Yeah we fucked. I ran into her the next day, I had to pick up the girl scout cookies I ordered from her boyfriends kids.
Last night a drunk chick tried to lick me. If you are trying to lick the zombies, you are too drunk for the haunted house.
Randomize
