About tomorrow. if it dosent fit dont force it. Just pushit as far as you can and i'll wiggle the rest of the way
Im really high right now and the vending machine is broken and giving out free candy. Please kill me, my life will never get better than this
a price tag just fell out of my vag. i guess its worth $13.99...
seriously, i am too high for the omelet station to be playing Being For The Benefit Of Mr Kite at 7am
I looked up while we were having sex to see him covering my pillow pet's eyes with his free hand. I think I'm in love
Please tell me you've ingested more than weed and Oreos today
Perhaps if I didn't mortify my parents last night with my drunken obnoxious behavior which resulted in the casualty of an entire decorative bathroom shelf which I completely ripped off the wall and left for dead, I would be more than willing to go day drinking.
She shit all over my seat. She is not allowed in my car under any circumstances. Not even with drugs. You can't forgive a shit.
Nutrition teacher wants anything i eat or drink documented for the week including dancefestopia. Do you know the recommended daily ammount of psylicybin or MDMA?
If your night didn't end with writing a witness report for the cops at a shwarma place, your night was probably less interesting than mine.
Don't remember anything. Melissa just said I kept saying welcome to the bat cave
I'm drinking vodka out of a water bottle at work. Am I really the best person to come to for life advice?
I'm just hitting the tip of the iceberg on accents for this trip...so basically my panties are done for.
I just turned down an invite to sit on a face. IDK who I am.
What? Are you sick?
I just thought that if your brother was ever going to invite me over again, he probably shouldn't catch me fucking you in his bathroom.
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