I'm going to shit on something weird... I can't wait
remember them days when you seriously wanted your mom to marry rev run and we would always talk shit about justine?
joeyyyy why you always taken cheeseburgers from me?!?!?!
I wish I had a waterproof laptop so that I would watch porn in the shower.
I repeat the shot was ON FIRE. I am never going to a pirate bar again.
And you were like "stop making pop tarts, lil bowow" as you grabbed the pop tarts from your ex and consumed them. Teach me your ways.
He asked me when I was coming to bed while simultaneously drilling a fart into the mattress. Don't fucking get married.
Please write a memoir and name it "Game Boy and Dick Stuff"
So in the middle of making out, he decided to give me a breast exam. God I love dating a doctor. He saved me a $20 copay.
I'll be there with bells on. And by "bells" I mean "jäger bombs". And by "on" I mean "being poured down my gullet".
He showed up riding a bike blasting the ghostbusters theme song. His name was Lasercat. Im in love.
Do you know how much wine is in a box of wine? Not so much an amount, but whether it will kill me if I drink the entire box this xmas
oh the usual. high as balls and crying about the hunger games.
You can trust me. I'm unemployed and not wearing pants.
I did wake up to a random meat and cheese plate next to my bed, that was a thrill.
Compositionally, that's actually a really nice picture.
And your penis looks really nice too.
Randomize
