Do u think I can claim pregnancy as an accident so my insurance covers it?
dude i feel like shit
well u did eat a lot of play-doh
I think dad's getting high again. His last google search was "awesome ping pong shit."
the last thing i remember was trying to convince him to call over his girlfriend so we could have a threesome
I was going through my mom's high school yearbook...almost half the people who signed it referred to her as "Karen Smokejoints", "Confused Karen", or drew a picture of a joint. I have never felt more like her daughter.
She just told me her legs are numb and that she dedicated her karaoke of ice ice baby to her 4 month old son.
She ditched her BF in the library to come see me wasted at a house party and i still ended up banging that rugby chick instead.
Someone asked me why we were having sex on the porch last night. All I remember is him saying he wanted the recruits to see. This has got to stop.
On a totally unrelated note, captain four hour sexcapades lost it in his boxers this morning and tried to pretend it didnt happen. Lmao
sorry bout that man. went out to pay the pizza boy, ended up hooking up with some random drunk girl that thought i was someone else
My roommate was being an ass so I put everyone's drinks/shots on his tab for the entire night. Then when we left he was telling me how he got out cheaper than last time.
We're shaving superhero symbols into our pubes. I call dibs on Batman.
He goes to Columbia so regardless of how he looks I should fuck him right?
I accused him of not drinking enough alcohol and eating tacos after midnight. I was sober and he's not a gremlin. I would say bad.
Am I just high or is she having an auction for her vagina on Twitter
Randomize
