And then he said "I can't get blown while Gordon Bombay and Mr. Holland stare at me from the TV"
Since my computer broke, i've been masterbating to girls gone wild. I feel like i'm in the 90's.
when she asked me if it was possible to swim under north america i knew it was time to leave.
whenever music plays i find myself always doing kegels to the beat. its like the new foot-tapping
ITS DAYLIGHT SAVINGS TIME SUNDAY EVERYTHING IS GOING TO BE OK AFTER ALL
She's the drunk girl with the air-horn and sunflower seeds.
If you hook up with a kid and the next day he breaks up with his girlfriend, those can be seen as two completely unrelated incidents right?!
i dont know whats weirder. that i told him he stabbed me in my dream or that he told me i wasnt the first girl to tell him theyve been killed by him in a dream
I've decided that I'm okay with you getting a goat. I have to get over my completely rational fear of goats somehow.
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
He serenaded me a cappella to Ed Sheeran. I wasn't going to leave his dick unsucked.
No he doesn’t answer my texts except for like on New Year’s Because like I was fucked up on New Year’s and he said happy new year and I told him the same and I called him dragonslayer and you can’t really recover from that
I woke up with a jacket; in it passport, hockey tickets, sunglasses, credit card, bank transactions
I feel like that japanese guy who ate all the hotdogs. Except replace hotdogs with sailor jerrys. And instead of a trophy and world record I just get a hangover at work
I just washed down my antidepressant with some pineapple wine. I'm the picture of mental health this holiday season
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