he told me i looked like an animal then proceeded to kiss me
Dating a girl 4 years younger than you is like living in a Taylor Swift song...
Just dropped $150 at the liquor store. No power and two feet of snow has taken my alcoholism to another level.
he used his one phone call on me and it said "you have a collect call from- LETS GET IT- at the montgomery county jail".
I'm heating up a hotdog using a candle.
Sketchest drug deal yet.... I just got paid in quarters and chucky chesse tokens. I need to stop hooking my friends up.
Sometimes I wonder why I hang out with you. And then you show up half naked at my door with a half gal of vodka, and I remember why.
im afraid if i stop breathing i will turn into a porcupine
they would be such cute babies and they would grow up to have huge dicks. and that would make me proud as a mother
I am too young to be this hungover
Is this your way of saying you want a sober 19th?
yeah the little voice in my head screaming YOU NEED TO GET LAID eventually grew legs and started kicking me so to avoid brain damage i had to fuck him
Make way for the handjob queen! She will grab what she wants, when she wants, and from whomever she wants.
I'm pretty sure I have enough material at this point to start a blog called Guys I've Banged in Pictures together. Why does this keep happening to me!
We could have a classy candlelight sonic dinner with fireball cocktails if you leave now. Twat tickler centerpieces.
I came home and drank a bottle of wine in the bathtub. I have AMAZING coping skills!!
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