Is it too weird if im a sexy tampon for halloween?
the fact that he forgave me for making out with the bartender is proof that i can fuck my way out of anything.
Your mom just threw up on me. Please come home.
Stayed out til 7 am.... Did u know there's a guy who goes up and down the quad at that hour playing bagpipes?
Both his mom and his sister were hitting on me when I stopped by today. He isn't a real friend anyway, right?
i just feel like the statute of limitations for admitting i plowed through her car last night was up a couple hours ago
I'm gonna do some tripping... In the direction of balls
he stopped talking to me, quit his job, moved out of the province and then told me it was "no big" when I called him apologizing...
Haha it's harder than you'd think to come up with ways to turn your penis into a Christmas drawing
You just want me for my pizza coupons and my penis.
I need to calm my uterus...
Burnt food and a broken vibrator. Disappointment after disappointment. Is April a man?
We need to get walkie talkies for when we're drunk so if we are at different parties or lost we can talk
A cop may or may not have seen my bare ass against the moonlight within the past hour
One lesson I've learned so far from college: You've always got time for one more shot. Always
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