Is there anything medically wrong with drinking beer from a vagina?
How did the beer even get there in the first place?
That's not what's important right now
If I'm going to go gay, i'm not going to go for a tiny dick.
Found out my brother is now my eskimo brother...One of my proudest times as a brother
Seriously. My exes act like they own shares of my vagina.
Well, in their defense, they have invested a lot of time and money
My TA just came over to give us drugs. Now he's drinking grey goose with my roommate and explaining his thesis to her. This is too much.
Just puked up hair, tacos and vodka. Hello Memorial Day weekend.
That was like me applying to a law school drunk at 5 am
Hahaha. That's funny.
But I got an 18k dollar per year scholarship
Things I want for my birthday 1. a Chipotle grade tortilla steamer 2. a new liver
My mom just sent me this: "I like Jon, but he needs to be the one going down on you! Yeah, we saw your head pop up in your car last night."
Apparently I've told this bouncer I stalk him on Instagram 3 times. I should stop drinking. I only remeber saying it tonight. early sign of Alzheimer's
I yield to the immortal wisdom of one ludacris, who famously wrote, "can't turn a hoe in to a housewife." Indeed, ludacris, indeed.
My exam ends at 4pm so I plan to be passed out in the bar by 5pm. Want to join me?
To keep it classy I will take a pregnacy test on Mother's Day
I told her I was going to sleep early last night. I probably should not have sent that snapchat of us playing beer pong.
I need to learn how to not be a fucking liability
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