The only thing that would make my night better is if William Shatner came and read me a bedtime story.
The intern claims someone glued plastic eyeballs to his penis last night. He going to show everyone in the conference room at 3pm. There is a $5 cover charge.
Welp I just blew a load probably the size of a small pond if not a lake
Who the fuck is this
Can she stop putting up all these passive aggressive statuses and please come out of the "I-want-to-be-a-pornstar" closet already?
Two questions for you. Did I throw up last night and did we get food or did I dream that..?
No you never threw up but you did force me to take you to wendy's because you wanted "beef and ketchup"
Your heart is a swirling cauldron of blackness that does not pump blood but rather a sludgey mixture of evil and broken dreams.
I'm home alone drinking wine, so high, scrubbing my house down... This is what my thirsty thursday has become
It was rough. I have dried puke in my hair and I don't know if it's mine or from the girl I met on the ground waiting for a cab.
Was there a condom involved? Because he was saying he wanted a kid. Repeatedly.
I masturbated to my balding thirty-something co-worker last night. I am a new level of lonely.
im pretty sure the interns at this hospital have gotten hotter
Oddly enough, the sex change dream i had made me miss you more.
I never realized the effects a broken spine would have on my sex life
WHO GIVES HANDJOBS AT 8 IN THE FUCKING MORNING
I pointed at him and said “there goes mr fuckwad”
Randomize
