So. Did i wake up at 430, try to drive home, stop to throw up at a shell, and try to clean out my car and drop my keys in a full dumpster? Yes.
I am 90% sure the kid in front of me in class is picking his face spots, smelling it, and then eating it. That is a LOT of % sure for something like that.
We asked "Is that Andy puking in the bushes, its 7 AM" he looks up and goes "It's okay guys, its 7:30"
you wore rainboots all night because you said the forecast called for wine spillage
I don't know how I'm boarding the plane tomorrow. I have my car registration.
I never want to hear the words 'my therapist says . . . ' while naked again.
I let a guy with dreads drive my car, then demanded he take me back cause I don't let strangers drive my car, while repeatedly apologizing for being a cock block.
All she kept whispering was put your pickle in my mouth. Then she fell out of her barstool and chipped her tooth
the good news is that i vommed the last of my humanity last night.
welcome to the club.
Just had an old man tip me two dollars and say "here put this in your baby fund, you'll have a baby someday" I swear this is gods way of saying GET ON BIRTH CONTROL NOW!
I hope Team Snapchat has been enjoying our sex snaps all this week.
You thought that you were playing full contact and started screaming "I will fucking end you! I will end you!" and tried tackling everyone in the room.
As planned I took it to the limit. Then we met a new limit. Now they are limit friends.
He's nice and all but I think I rather masturbate my way to happiness instead.
You just can't go back to being friends with someone after you sucked their balls
Randomize
