Having your wife answer your cell was so lame. Maybe we can talk when you get your phone, your facebook account, and your balls back.
I was about to watch some really classy porn. Title was ravenous for dick. I didnt know pornstars knew ravenous was a word.
We're doing a case race on Saturday.
I'm in. I'm currently drinking a beer in the bathtub so I guess I can consider this "practice" and not just "alcoholism"
I was really sad when you left and cried. And i don't know what a face promise is, but apparently i made you make one.
This honesty session brought to you by jagermeister inc.
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
CHAZ BONO WILL BE ON THE NEXT SEASON OF DANCING WITH THE STARS.
Internet Is back!
MY NEWS TRUMPS YOURS.
Fuck a-yeah! I just found a wine key. Let 'Don't Fuck With Me Friday' commence.
I just want brownies and waffles and someone to lick my tits
Who the fuck cries when they're stoned?!
Sorry man I just really wanted a McChicken
Don't you hate falling asleep on the couch with a glass of wine in your hand? It's like dreaming about peeing and then realizing you've peed the bed only stickier.
Slept with the roommate last night and also discovered that she believes in eugenics. I may need to slow down my drinking
That was fun and all, but let's never have sex on a ladder ever again.
I'll give you some leg action but I'm not showing you anything else until your penis admits it loves me
Are you texting me while pooping again?
I'm also playing fetch with the dog
Randomize
