i never thought i'd have to say "please stop having sex on me"
wow.
yeah, it was that bad.
I'm watching CSI, they found semen in the woman's ear.
Guess she heard her killer coming
I saw two morbidly obese women get winded after fighting over the last motorized wheelchair at Walmart
These are the moments in life you observe a force greater than us at work
Registered for next semester classes drunk. Let's hope I didn't accidently sign up for history of dinosaurs again...
Confirm for me that it's be a bad idea to sleep with the 50 year old that's currently hitting on me?
I just made a steamroller out of a christmas ornament. I feel so festive.
well we could tame deer to let us ride on them. does that work?
You've had your dick in my mouth. I don't think there are all that many barriers in our friendship at this point.
Getting drunk before noon on a Tuesday. When did this become my life? Did you know that a six-pack of Smirnoff is 2 liters?
Im going in through the window and borrowing her dog. Dont worry ive done this before. we have an agreement.
Like I've never seen her that drunk. She's usually like quiet and doesn't say she'll fuck someone on a futon
Was Mr. ROBOT good? I missed it. I just fucked dental hygienist on the trampoline in my backyard
he sent a dick pic to my best friends phone for me cause mine died lol pretty sure he was regretting that night outta town.
Whenever a guy asks me why I like weird sex stuff, I just answer, "Catholic School".
The sex would be better if it wasn’t interrupted because his home detention ankle monitor needed charging. At least I know he’s not cheating on me
Do you even hear yourself?
Randomize
