You remember that guy Joey? The pastors son that plays Jesus every year?
Yeah?
Stuck it in his pooper.
Peed on my phone. Dried it out in oven. Technology is both a plus and a minus.
I got a handjob to the OC theme song. It was like going back in time 7 years.
it's a gatorade, cheez its, and regret kind of morning....
Fuck. The basement bathroom I've been getting head in for 6 months just went 'Out of Service'.
He told me to fuck off at some point in the night. I think it was right before he jumped out of a moving car trying to get to another bar and made Abby cry.
I don't think casual Fridays means I can go to work with dried cum in my hair...
I just walked in on my lesbian roommate having sex in the kitchen, and it was awesome. We proceeded to shots naked together. Happy birthday to me.
She was into my hawaiian shirt and id never made out with a dinosaur... I feel like it worked out for everyone
This summer has already been like the best summer ever. FREEDOM IS AWESOME. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND GOD BLESS THE SINGLE LIFE.
I think i'm the first person to get kicked out of a club while completely sober. Come outside please!!
You'll pass into the great gay beyond
Where it rains cosmopolitans and scantily clad gogo dancers of all genders direct traffic
I would like to formally reclaim my title of a turn up queen.
Before he gave me the breathelizer, he told me to "blow like you're blowing your boyfriend". I like him. My tax dollars are well spent
Well my parents know I get medical Cannabis they saw me on the news at the dispensary
Randomize
