WTF. you left me with no condoms and you ate all my mac and cheese. scumbag.
i just wanna skin you and wear you like last years versace.
you may have the big hair, fake nails, and talk with a fake accent, but you will NEVER be a housewife from new jersey so STOP TRYING.
my mom used to put diet coke in my bottle. i can pretty much handle anything.
I really super glued a paper bow tie to my body last night. I need to do less drugs.
Just watched a drug bust from the Ralphs parking lot while listening to Frank Sinatra. Happy Valentine's Day.
We had sex and then he fed me pie. This is the best friends-with-benefits situation ever.
I was trying to get everyone to go to the bar but I puked on my hands, so nobody took me seriously.
I just watched my mom get dick on Skype.
That d should have definitely been an s.
There was a point where you were singing "Friends in Low Places" to yourself while Juicy J was playing so I got worried.
I'll miss you, too. On the bright side, a night away from one another might give me a chance to recup seminal fluids.
No one should ever be so high that they forget the food. That's just...its a violation of God and Nature, of the very laws that we live by!
So you'd go straight for a fat chick with cheese on her tits?
Yes.
Let's just say his oral game was lacking. Hell, lacking is too nice of a word to describe it.
I can't even be mad at customs in houstons airport anymore for missing my flight and having to stay overnight. Within an hour of meeting we did it at her place. Her last word being "glad I could show you real southern hospitality". I'm definitely coming back here someday
I’m not lawful evil! I do evil things because I want to, not because of the law
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