I woke up (not at home) to find out I kissed Ryan Caberra, flashed for free gumbys and carried around an inflatable moose named Johnson. Great success.
would you kill someone to have someone deliver pancakes to you when you were high?
some girl that im facebook friends with has H1N1, im scared to even go to her facebook page
I was going through my mom's high school yearbook...almost half the people who signed it referred to her as "Karen Smokejoints", "Confused Karen", or drew a picture of a joint. I have never felt more like her daughter.
I feel like tequila heightens the sense of my nipples.
you're just mad cause i madeout with you while having a mouth full of chewed pretzels
I woke up next to her will a oven mit taped to my cock. Dear god, I might have tried to use it as a condom.
no. 1 rule of bromania: no females
she trying to cartwheel up the stairs... not going so well
I'm not saying Tijuana was a bad idea, I'm saying that we make poor life choices. And Steve was robbed by the police.
Saying you need a hooker then asking me to have sex is NOT the way to get laid. Booty call 101.
It's 5am and I come home to you naked on the kitchen table and 3 people I never saw before fucking on the back porch ... and my weed gummy worms are gone. fuck you I'm taking your mom's offer
Can we get pizza? This is seriously not a booty call. I just really want someone to get pizza with me.
I realize ur driving andwont read this til u stop, but I'm sleeping in the bed of the pickup. Please don't hit a deer.
Don't do it. It's 9 am on a Monday morning and I'm hungover. I can't deal with tears right now.
Randomize
