I just jerked it to the same porn two nights in a row... and she says I have problems with commitment...
Please tell me how I woke up out in the middle of nowhere wearing nothing but a hard hat and a man thong?
I never thought that I'd ever use the phrase "and the resulting ice cream explosion" seriously at work...
You tried to wear your Jesus costume into Family Christian stores and say it was a book signing.
I just recycled a years worth of liquor bottles. I can feel my alcoholic carbon footprint shrinking
forced to watch US open for father's day. only perk is discovering dustin johnson...reeeeally hoping that this golf sex addiction thing is contagious
someday when you wake up in a dumpster we'll have to have this conversation again...
please come upstairs a drunk asian is lying down n the middle of my room and i don't know him
DONT YOU DARE DIE YET THERE IS SO MUCH SEX TO BE HAD
Also, if he asks how he's doing orally I can probably ask if we're exchanging Christmas presents?
Some small part of me hopes I'm on the probationary list because of seeing the Dean at that fetish party.
I find it weird that you'll let me in your vagina, but not your house
I woke up with a shot glass nestled between my boobs like a baby bird.
The hangover struggle is to real, just passed the drive thru window. Twice.
I just washed down my antidepressant with some pineapple wine. I'm the picture of mental health this holiday season
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