He asked me why my bellybutton was so ugly... and wondered why i wasnt in the mood anymore.
Being a responsible DD does not include attempting to coordinate a 4 taxi caravan to bar #3
Things got outta hand once she told me to water-board her with Patron.
Can we play rock paper scissor shot again? I want to black out in 15 minutes or less...
Unless you're gonna start buying my underwear, you have got to stop ripping it off of me.
I think the paper my teacher just handed back to me had one of his pubes on it, I'm way too hungover for this
Dude this weed smells so good they should make it into a Vicks vapor rub scent and I would rub it all over myself.
No amount of beer will make me feel better about this. It's time for Emergency Whisky
Sorry, I was watching the Olympic story about the Canadian guy and drinking out of the prescription bottle and crying because it was so beautiful.
Would it be weird to bake him a cake that says "sorry I peed on your bed"?
Are you done yet? I've eaten three corndogs so I'm ready 2 party.
That's when I realized I was probably naked in the wrong bed
she just punched him in the balls in front of everyone and yelled "YOU SEE WHAT YOU MADE ME DO"
he was wearing pj pants, thank you for not letting me go home with him
who knew being a fake dominatrix could be so fun?
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