why do they call them blowjobs? ....unless i'm doing it wrong?
i had a dream last night that my liver tore its self out of my body and ran away.
She was wasted. Kept yelling "what if I'm pregnant" and trying to push me into the tree. First and last time I bring a girl to my family christmas party.
They were so slutty we had to play "rarely have I ever."
Of course it's dangerous. Why else would they hire us after we failed the drug test?
Note to self: Don't teach the naked lap rule in beer pong until after youve made a cup..
You just begged me to mute the porn and watch her ass bounce while listening to dubstep the whole time.
When my alarm went off, he rolled over and asked me: Bacon or dick? Yes, I will see him again.
Holding a cold bottle of mikes hard lemonade against my pulverized taint....this is my Sunday night
This girl just texted me asking me to drop her cheese. What the fuck for that mean?
Her next conquest seems to be stealing her ex-boyfriend's new girlfriend. Pretty sure everyone involved is totally OK with this.
It was a shot marathon. It only ended because we werent drinking in our house apparently we walked into the nieghbors. When they got home thy were soooooo pissed.
But you put your finger in my ass and the rest is history
Do you want to talk about dinosaurs?
She said she hasn't cheated on me in 7 and a half days and she'd like praise for that.
Randomize
