I was high as a kite when I got pulled over by a cop and he asked me for my ID and if I had been smoking weed, I said no and gave him my debit card.
the only sentence i could make out from her was "i will wash these herpes away"
went thru the pain of a Brazilian and he's passed the fuck out while i eat Doritos and watch tbs. fuck married life i want out
The good news is the bleeding stopped. I think I'm going to sober up before I tell you the bad news though.
I wish I could go about my daily activities with his dick inside me
Its kind of weird knowing that im only seeing you that day to fuck in some woods
I am 100% planning on being drunk on Wednesday. This is America. Work or no work.
While I'm on hiatus from the Russian potato nectar, it is my wish for others to enjoy it in my stead.
I asked her why she named her vibrator Lorenzo and said it was the name she started screaming her first time.
I find it fascinating that she'd be more comfortable with her mom finding out she submits dirty disney confessions on tumblr than about her secret email account she uses to chat with dutch and brazilian strangers.
Beans, may the odds of a nip slip and drunken make out session be ever in your favor
a large sweaty girl i dont know is sleeping in my bed. A scotish man and a small child looking dude are on the couches im on the floor sleeping and im ok with it
My sister just poured me a dbl Ciroc on the rocks and said "the ice makes it festive." Honestly what a role model.
Success! We fucked roommates!
Did you come home, throw out a ton of shoes, then leave again?
That is exactly what I did.
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