My place. Tomorrow Night. Bring your liver, and something for it to do.
I woke up this morning with a hospital armband on containing all the information off my fake i.d. WTF did we do last night!?!?
It's official. Every single female in their late teens and early 20s get their fb statuses from a pool of cliched "quotes" which all say, without saying, "boys treat me like shit, I know they do, but one day I'll find 'the guy' who will treat me right no matter how psychotic I am." Vom.
Why is your vibrator in the fridge?
I'm testing sex in Alaska before I go there.
nothing like a tattoo of a large eagle attacking a small eagle whos attacking a shark to bond to siblings together for life
So many people have lost their virginity on my futon... I think it is only the right thing to bronze it and put it on display
No. Do you know how much this carpet cost? If she comes over, you put down towels this time. i'm so not kidding.
Hhahaha he is. Omg the new polish friend just took his pants off in front of me. There is something wrong with this nationality.
i think he was starting go for a boob grab when we both realized the middle of a public tennis court wasn't the place
There was a tour on campus today, and there were two girls i went to high school with in the group. They saw me and ran up to me as i was unlocking my door. when i opened it, kate was laying in a pile of glitter and beer cans. We need to reevaluate.
Is it acceptable to cry on a Friday or am I supposed to drink to forget it?
Vagic. Defined as a kind of magic one has over a girl's vagina. Used in a sentence... he's an accomplished vagician.
We hooked up and then we watched game of thrones while he fed me chocolate. I don't see how our benafriendship is a bad thing.
So, I'm either with my future life partner or my future life taker. And his brother. lol. I'll let you know when I get home alive.
I feel you. I woke up butt naked on top of my sheets with a plate of cheese next to my bed...
Randomize
