Theres someone in the car behind me eating corn on the cob & talking on the phone
I am soup sandwich. I have been at dAnce party
He's like a perfect storm of amazing hair and horrible judgment.
I just found that video of you jumping onto my exercise ball feet-first and face-planting into my shoe rack.
While looking for socks, I found my mothers sex toy box. Dear god I finally understand where my kinkiness comes from.
her tits were more amazing then brown bears with armor and guns that fire bullets of Justice that destroys inequality.
Yea, she's 42 I'm 23. Girls our age are terrible. All they need is a divorce and a bottle of wine
It sounds like drunken magic sprinkled w narcotics
If you don't let me come over I'm gonna call you on speaker and you have to listen to her scream and moan too
OHMYGOD I LITERALLY JUST FINISHED JERKING OFF AND MY MOM BUSTS IN AND HANDS ME A BABY WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON IN MY HOUSE JESUS H CHRIST!
I was thirsty after the sex and it was a long trek back to res so naturally I stole chocolate milk from his fridge as I left
STOP PUTTING PICTURES OF JONAH HILL IN MY KITCHEN CABINETS!
There is a fake eye lash glued to one of my balls.
I'm soaking her vibrators in tabasco and wasabi paste. "furious" is an understatement
He gave me a back massage while we were fucking.
Did you get that?
WHILE WE WERE FUCKING.
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