Do I need to let your sister outside to go pee or anything before I leave?
idk if ive ever seen a picture of him on facebook with his pants on
I just want you to know I tipped the cab driver $10 last night because I felt bad that he didn't have healthcare.
so its official, girls can see a boner through my snuggie.
Bring the cards this coming weekend. If I'm not here I died skydiving Friday
Mega depressed bro. Had the greatest sex with the hottest girl I've ever seen and in the AM she gave me that look I've given dozens of times. I'm her drunken fat chick fuck
Don't worry. I told him just because you've gargled some balls in the past doesn't mean you'll be handling his.
I really wanted that to be shared. Thank you.
Let us do this. Tomorrow night is thirsty Thursday. Let us drink whiskey from the bottle and have men in plastic gloves inscribe permanent images of each others faces onto our buttocks.
YOU WOULD BE SEEING ME. IN MY KITCHEN. BENDING OVER MY OVEN. MAKING YOU CAKE.
Wait, that's an option?
When my mom found out he was a high school drop out she was like "seriously? Can we raise the bar a little higher next time kels?" So my moms pretty cool
He should know he can't successfully wrestle in pudding fully clothed. Amateur.
Scientific fact: if he makes a face like a demonic dog when he's fucking you, makes it easier to fuck without feelings.
P.s. There are few things I love more than brand new mascara and you are one of them.
my goldfish that i got the day i lost my virginity just died. im terrified as to what this symbolically means for my sex life
Listen I don't care what it's called as long as it's drugs
Randomize
