I only kidnapped one of them. chill
mom asked me why i'm never sober at family events, i told her i learned it from her.
Im watching someone hooking up in the library
procrastination at its finest
who knew that a girl that let me piss on her within 20 minutes of meeting her would get upset i couldn't remember her name.
im laying here in the parking lot drinking a warm coke, prob still drunk, feeling like i need to apologize to everyone i know
I fucked her while she was wearing her boyfriends dogtags. I'm officially a bad american
Had a speaker in class today. She asked whats the first question when you see someone pregnant. I said whos the father? She was looking for "is it a boy or a girl?"
How am I suppose to fully love you when you cant even open up and try to fulfill my midget fantasy
this ms. usa coverage has sucessfully humbled every girl here. depressed fish in a leaky barrel. go!
A man that refers to my vagina in third person is a man after my own heart.
trying to figure out why the only thing in our freezer is an expired loaf of bread, a white t shirt, and a receipt from taco bell for 37.50 from last Friday
I haven't seen her in probably 3 months and when she showed up wasted to my house she promptly pulled out her tit
I wish I could be the kind of drunk Bobbi is... She stumbles around outside at 4am with a broken high heel and babbling about rainbows and getting dick...
What are you bringing to class tomorrow?
sorrow
It's dangerous to be this horny at work. I'm gonna stain my desk chair
Randomize
