Just tried to tap morse code on the wall seperating our beds to tell you I was awake and ready to smoke
its totally unfair that im just as ill-prepared as a 16 year old but there's no tv show for 25 and pregnant.
We've shared an experience, my friend. I, too, have talked on the phone with a parent while giving a handjob
the bartender cut u off when u asked him for his screename so u could IM him later
They'd unbutton the overalls with their lesbian-tongues. It wouldn't even be a problem.
She just looked down there and said "i breed horses. this is better than anything ive ever seen."
all of the sudden, the other guy at the bar who was celebrating his birthday got a super inspired look on his face and then screamed at me ''our parents fucked on the same day!''
So I feel like I should have had a going away party for your dick. Complete with balloons and cake. Yeahh that's right. I'm gonna miss it.
So is it safe to say that my only objective from last night is to finish this entire jar of peanut butter?
Would you think less of me if I said I was eating a toaster strudel in the bath.
starting to feel like a fuck wizard with a magical sixth sense for people fucking.
Everybody posting sickening holiday couple pics and I'm over here deepthroating a bottle of whiskey.
I literally am filling up a victoria's secret bag with stuff that would give my parents a heart attack to hide in my roommates' room. This is being an adult when parents visit
I told my mom that I was just gonna go check the mail. It's been 19 hours, and I woke up in a hot tub covered in chocolate, with a text from her sayin "have fun sweetie"
...i have a beer in one hand, and a chicken wing in the same. typical tuesday, right?
Randomize
