can you sing with all the voices of the mountain? can you paint with al the colors of the windddd
wasted?
im pocohantasssss
he smells like the inside of heather mills' fake leg
I'm in love with you.
huh?
Don't be nervous. I'm just saying - if you had a dick, I'd suck it.
I told her Billy Mays couldn't convince me to sleep with her
I didn't think her British accent was real until I saw how fucked up her teeth were.
tell me how i ended up in the movie theater alone with a bottle of smirnoff and a bendy straw.
she bonged a coffee cause she was hungover. then she bonged a beer cause she got ambitious. then she barfed. then she had to start over again.
Well I'm 2 for 2 with the absinthe, I just woke up in some random car behind the bar
I'm fighting fire with fire. When my parents interrogate me about what I was doing last night, I tell them the truth. Every disgusting, awkward detail. I'm 23 now and they need to get used to it.
When we were done making out, some guy ran into the room yelling, "I'll save you Brandon! I'll save you!"
DONT EVER DUNK OREOS INTO WINE . NEVER
You know you're an adult when you break 100 to get 75 cents, to buy a condom from a bar vending machine in South Boston.
My bra is still on the porch...I'm leaving it as a reminder to get my shit together.
All I ever wanted was my bed, Tylenol, and total darkness. Instead I had a pervert with porno posters who blares german rock calling me tootsie pop. How was your saturday night?
don't take this the wrong way, but I'm not drunk but I need you to take me to the ER and you're the most likely to not be drunk now.
Randomize
