Obv we're gonna bbm each other in bed
Every time I hang out with your gay friend, I have to make a checklist of words to look up when I get home. First Google of the night? "Power bottom."
I'm reducing my diet to vodka and rice cakes.
We removed her tutu and her cape, so there's no risk of her strangling herself.
I feel like somehow my uterus ended up in my ribcage from all the keg stands i did last night..
Ohhh,that's true. Babies are only fun when you're high. Otherwise, they're the worst kind of people.
I blew him while watching the aristocats. There were singing cats in the background. I think he he hummed along at one point.
no. i discovered the *exact* amount of drugs i need to do to understand calculus.
What does that mean when you have a child masturbating in your dream? Is that weird?
I've come to realize that I need a break from life when I just tried to use my address numbers as the cook time on the microwave
Last time I "ran into him" I ended up with the clap and had to explain why the ladder was missing from the garage.
Does it get any better than dating a guy with a vasectomy? The answer is NO. No it does not
I FUCKED WHEELCHAIR DUDE
HE'S INTO WEIRD SHIT
GOOD KIND OF WEIRD SHIT
i woke up half naked on someone's pool lounge chair in a house that i don't know, with someone's phone number scrawled on my stomach. why do i hang out with you again??
You just listed two reasons.
i just wanted have a romantic star gaze moment with him. untill he let out a massive fart.
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