I was amazed that you fell flat on your ass and still managed not to spill them drinks in your hands. Your getting good at this.
My dad assaulted a TSA agent this morning. Shut down airport security. Don't tell me that your family is embarrassing.
It's a good thing i didn't end up pregnant...i would have had to figure out his last name.
Honestly, I don't care whether it was a guy or a girl. Best blowjob ever.
The only way i can get arrested is public drunkenness or defacing a national monument. Trust me, i have already looked it up.
you pulled down your pants to convince a girl you were god
Some girl just showed me her stretch marks
You need to get out of tn
............HELP Ive been abducted by vodka and its poisoning my brain fat chicks are getting cute and i slept with my sisters friend who slightly resembles john kerry....,,help
Well that's the second time I've broken a lamp during sex this month. Starting to worry I'm some kind of X-man. (this one was a wall sconce and I fully smashed it with my head and it crumbled like it was made of sugar)
He said he wanted to start giving out "sex souvenirs". I got a poster with a penguin on it.
just in the smoking shack with my sister cheering on a caterpillar make its cocoon
Haha! You know I mean that in a positive way. Like, "let them eat cake!" Or in our case, "let them achieve obesity from the two entree plate at Panda Express!"
Just sent my mother the text "we need to get our vaginas looked at this thursday". Hows your day going?
All I remember is being in the middle of the road puking and my bestfriend cheering me on from the passenger seat...
My ex's sister asked me to be her date to Thanksgiving. Should I go?
Threesome!
Randomize
