When he took off his pants i accidently shouted "that is one small wiener," and thats when he left
you'd think someone with a dick that small would take what he could get
Either way I should probably pregame on the plane
You had already cockblocked me. The cops were just an assist.
I have fifteen cents in cash and 80 cents in the bank. BUT I have weed.
In your defense, I really thought capturing that alligator would have been a lot more awesome and a lot less tragic.
RIP Mr Bojangles.
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
I'm thinking about wearing a strap-on just to freak him out the next time he pulls my pants off.
you should be awarded for your promiscuity.
i really should.
So much for doing Irish car bombs in my grandpa's memory.... Asshole.
i woke up in just my socks. my clothes were outside, he had rugburn on his elbows, and a window was broken.
I ate shrooms on a frozen river in an ice fishing shack after a day of vics and beer and walked around on the river in a stupor. They made me bite the head off of a fish.
I need a nap, Harry Potter movies, and dick in this exact order after work.
Is 36 too old to fuck a college student? THIS IS BOTH IMPORTANT AND TIME SENSITIVE
you made out with another girl for some wings
Did you finish that presentation yet?
No but don’t worry about it. I do my best work in the middle of the night. I’m like a hamster.
Randomize