Come with me and I'll find you a girl. What's your type?
Vagina
I puked while I was brushing my teeth this morning and had to get a new tbrush
Ew, did you brush them again?
Yeah but i puked on the new one and decided to give up...failure
No I'm not okay I had a crush on the singer of Tokio Hotel for four months and now you tell me he's a dude?
States back in the final four. Now our sunday night drinking has purpose. Sparty on baby.
I just delivered a ham and cheese to a strip club. you were right this job is not that bad
you were cooking a hot pocket with a grill lighter what did you want me to do
we went to the bar with our boss and you tried to play a song from the atm machine
we're like Indians of the 21st century. trading not for food and survival but personal gain and by trouble you mean getting daytime drunk and going to the roller ring then yes.
Just described your amazing cock to a complete stranger. I am officially the worst wingman (chick) ever.
I feel like the only phrases I can clearly speak while drunk consist of: i'm fucking drunk, chug, and shots
I just got my hands on some dry ice. How do you feel about coming home to a mystical wizard toilet?
Do you remember me making bird noises at the bartender with some guy at the bar last night?
God, please protect all woman from micro-penises
I need to start a penis folder so I stop "accidentally" showing people my junk. On a side note- St. Pattys penis was a hit, four leaf clover and all.
Well he waved at me as he was leaving so he def noticed the staring, and by staring i mean blatant eye fucking from across the bar..
Randomize
