My mom caught just caught me jerking off...in her room.
Fair warning.. porn on your laptop when you turn it on.. seemed like a wonderful idea last night.. until it died
Bring booze and chicks. Separate, or one already in the other. Your call.
he's drinking at 8 in the morning. it's going to be one of those "or else the terrorists have won" kinda days
Somewhere between the 2 hours of sex and her urgently rushing to work she manged to steal all $329.33 in my jeans. Worst one night stand ever, she even took the pennies.
From what I remember, he had one ball. But it was cute
We should tie ourselves together anytime there is any type of alcohol involved. It's the safest way. I either end up with freshmen or weird ex bfs. You end up with a large cowboy. This is not good for us
Change of plans. Theres a bouncy castle setup in my apartment complex.
My roommate is watching gummy bears "race" from a mega-marshmallow to his lava lamp.
I was going to say I needed the exercise but now all I can think about is BJs
My work here is done
Official reason: I couldn't get time off. The real reason: last Xmas nearly ended in alcohol poisoning to prevent me from screaming like a velociraptor
I fear our relationship is coming to an end. Last night I felt the need to bloody apologise for waking him up with a blow job.
he high fived his dick after we had sex
I've seen your dick too many times for both of us to be straight.
I live in Vegas It shouldn’t be this hard to find a penis looking for a night of no strings attached sex
Randomize
