Tell her to not eat the pizza she threw up on.
so just incase I die tonight I'm making a list of people that I don't want to be let in to my funeral
I looked at her and said "I now pronounce you pumpkin tits"
i just burped and it tasted like condom. please tell me i wasn't lame and made that guy wear one for a bj last night.
Once again there IS no outside bathroom. Never has been, that is the balcony
at one point last night, you were literally auctioning me off. "reeeally drunk hot girl ! we'll start the bidding at an ice cold corona. oh, we have a bidder! do i hear a shot of whiskey? going once, going twice.."
youre welcome
I say we get drunk before the exam tomorrow. At least then we have a valid excuse for failing.
He told me his penis would be a "Sad Panda" if I didn't give it a ride through the jungle.
Should have told me the night we were talking about deal breakers that vomming outside your car was one of them. I would have taken a cab back
You are one of my favorite baseball you have fun today
I like her. She smells like old lady but tastes like whiskey
If you don't wanna wax my ass just say so.
I have no clue how you survived last night but I applaud you. 21 body shots off 9 bodies in under four hours has to be a record.
And ANOTHER guy that I once got naked is doing gay porn now. Wtf? Am I the audition?!
I want to strut with the confidence of a pigeon.
Randomize
