I dont know why I dont listen to you more often. He wont stop texting me. And his signature is "dancing with no panties on"
i got us presents. or arrested. we shall see!
The sex was so good, I called my ex during the 2nd time just so he could hear. Is that mean?
She kept talking about how amazing the banana she had yesterday was. Don't know if it was innuendo, stoned, or just a really amazing banana.
She was just a sweet cute intern for us until I saw her naked in my bed the day after the Christmas party
Happy meals everywhere. I think Ronald McDonald Claus visited.
If there was a card that said "I'm sorry for throwing up on your bathroom counter" I would send it to you.
After you passed out we took your car to the campus and stole a 150lb plaque that's now in your trunk. Happy birthday!
She's in labor and I'm doing shots. Whose the real winner here?
I'm just impressed that you can puke without losing your gum
Currently eating Dominos at the bar high as shit so that's how homework is going
How do you ask the man who gives you multiple orgasms if he has friends who could do the same for your friend?
I've just had my first cup of coffee in a month and I moaned at the first drink and honestly I think this is the most sexual expreiance in 6 months
I will give him this, every time we go to the club he gets a stripper's actual number.
It's like Guy Diamond blew glitter into my vagina.
Randomize
