I love you and miss you, which in no way dimishes how much I hate the person you turned out to be, but I still love and miss you.
i'm 6 minutes and 3 drinks deep before she gets here. she's do-able for a wednesday night, but i still need to mentally prepare, ya know?
It was just a squirrel
You act like its normal to see a squirrel in the bar
I just found scrambled eggs in my shower. Thanks for that, asshole.
Is it penis luge time yet?
I pretty much have hash tequila and gelato for dinner every night
the campus cop used the word depravity in our citation.
ask me again when I'm sobewr aka tuesday
stalking the twitter feeds of girls who have fucked my current fuck buddy makes me glad we use condoms
woke up with empty beer can still duct taped into my fists and the word "dove" written on the back of my neck
It's kind of awesome I can smoke with my parents and tell them about thetime we used listerine in that bong
i really need to shower, but i don't want to take off my bra and lose my cleavage. the struggle
I lost my pants last night, she told me I walked into their room after leaving 5 minutes before wearing my thong.....and no pants. I have absolutely no idea where I left them.
Please don't finger me like a jackhammer. I'm a woman not a construction site.
I just realized I'm not wearing clothes. I think my pants may be in the kitchen but I have no idea where my shirt is. I'm kinda worried.
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