Successfully pulled the houdini tonight. Check that off my list.
he thought i was passed out so he proceeded to jerk off while i lay on the floor next to him
i need a shirt that says "I fuck trainwrecks"
No matter how fun it seemed the night before you will always regret taking those pictures, you will always regret eating as much as you did, but you will never regret the great lengths you had to got to get those bruises.
He passed out mid-signature
My doctor literally wrote on the script NO SEX
Either you made a spaghetti vodka smoothie last night, or you puked in the blender.
I remembered to bring wine in a nalgene bottle, but I forgot sunscreen and water. I'm starting to question my life decisions.
Missing both credit cards and just had a flashback of grinding my nuts on the terrified cab driver for amusement. i am feeling a slight hate for myself right now.
U offered to motor boat her and it somehow turned into u two going on a sunset cruise in Newport. At 3am.
Girl, he can't tell you not to take a bump just because you work tomorrow. You're on a wedding diet, remember?
Definitely! I will do that this week. Right now, watching drag queens play with my dad's beard.
I would totes reciprocate the nip pic, but I'm sick with a piece of tissue shoved up one of my nostrils and I'm just not feeling that ambitious. Sorry.
Danny put 5 hr energy in the jungle juice (that brilliant bastard) and I almost showed my penis to Alex. It was a rough night.
I was trying to get nudes from last night and ended up getting a family portrait!
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