the bitch is dead man
YOUR DOG DIED?
no i meant my mom has passed out .. so i'll be over soon.
New plan: we get a little bit drunk and go to 24 hour fitness and be eachothers wing people so we can hit on in shape hot people at a gym instead of drunk idiots at a bar.
Let's just say, at one point i got woken up at 4am by a naked guy who was offering me steak, in a cup.
Bro... You handed me an ice cube from your drink and said "tell me if it tastes like pickles".
Long story short he broke into a preschool and threw all their cones into a tree.
I heard moaning and ass slapping and sponge bob.
Ok let me just clear up this blowjob thing first so we can talk about your grandpa
New low: uploading my contacts into Facebook in an attempt to get the name of the girl I brought home last night.
NO. NONE OF THAT. SHAME ON YOU.
He and his ex stood there talking about going to get Chinese food while I was half naked searching for my panties
I had mediocre parking lot sex last night so the night wasn't a complete bust.
Btw I appreciate you as a friend for taking the time to validate my sluttiness
I'm praying to the gods of sex we both get laid this weekend. Amen. Love you
Dude it's unhealthy how much I love vagina in my face
I don't wanna SLEEP with him, I want to start bar fights with him. There's a difference.
Randomize
