In retrospect, pretending to punch a 9 year old girl in the face was a terrible analogy to use in a piano lesson.
Sadly no. But I was pantsless when they came to get me. Which made me miss you...
They're donating plasma together for extra money. Couple of the fucking century.
Haha im sorry. Its just financially responsiable to bang him instead of you right now.
he kept saying "mind over matter" as he fucked me
Also I climbed atop a mailbox with a toilet paper hat and a wolverine claw made of glowsticks, screaming at passers-by that they were going to die. Control me
Champagne pong turned into an expensive and painful experience.
I walked in, the bartender looked at me, grabbed 3 shot glasses and a pounder. Lined them up on the bar then made a line with salt on the other side of them and said I wasn't allowed to cross it.
You know you've got awesome issues when the main deciding factor of whether or not to cut your nails depends on nacho consumption in the near future
He probably thinks you're playing hard to get.
Hard to get?? I'm playing leave me the fuck alone.
although steph and I had 3 bottles of wine by that point and watched an opera that featured a black dildo so anything was possible really
just woke up. hair smells like weed and bbq. shins are bruised. vague memory of us chasing deer at the park at 3 am. fill me in on what exactly happened.
Totally just made a post sex emergency cupcake run. My life is awesome.
He texts me "just to say hi" and then tells me how hard he is and sends me a dick pic. And I'm like, dude, I'm ordering a burrito right now
I don't want too, lol. I'm currently awaiting my next period like its the second coming of christ
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