If I were a woman I'd fill my water bra with liquor so that I could sip on it throughout the day.
i popped this huge zit on her back while she was blowing me. it was like a disgusting metaphor for what happened 30 seconds later.
The sex was so good, I called my ex during the 2nd time just so he could hear. Is that mean?
When she showed me how she could touch her toes without bending her knees, suddenly her face didn't worry me quite as much.
What hospital were we in last night? Insurance needs to know
She had cheddar bay biscuits in her purse. Biscuits, Id and cash. I'm gonna marry her.
In the last 3 months, I've slept with an ex,someone single, someone in a relationship, someone married, and someone divorced. I should get some type of grown up girl scouts badge.
Dinner at my parents is vodka, lemonade, cheese ad crackers. Why would I leave?
I made out with a guy because he ate a grape lollipop and he tasted delicious... not my proudest moment.
Vodka Vensday. With a Russian accent... It counts.
So I couldn't find Leif..... He fell asleep in our closet upstairs trying to get changed into warmer clothes
She came out of the bathroom listening to her iPod and crying. Then she started scream 'she will be loved'. She seems to be handling the break up well lol
are you watching the world series?
I've made out with alex bregman... so yes
I don't know where you went, but if you're anywhere near the liquor, pour me another drink
So far 2 of my professors caught me looking at their dicks
Randomize
