I just tried to pick my 105-lb puppy up and accidentally fingered its asshole
There are some things we keep to ourselves Brian
capt morgan doesn't hurt if you honestly believe it's golden flavored kool-aid.
Im watching hello kitty on qvc debating if its a good idea to cook bagel bites on my space heater
just put a funnel in my mouth and pour the tequila in with a little emergen-c
Ask politely.
Fine. Can i please come over, hang out with you, sit around a campfire, smoke tree, listen to sublime, and fuck the shit out of you?
Thats good enough.
I remembered to bring wine in a nalgene bottle, but I forgot sunscreen and water. I'm starting to question my life decisions.
Take in how we used all the shot glasses in the bar in less than an hour
Hypothetically going to the gym on coke was a good idea
I FOUND THE NORMAL CONDOMS. THIS IS GOD TELLING ME TO CHASE AFTER MY DREAM.
I'm pretty sure I did the Macarena with a gay guy while shot gunning a beer
Nothing says I'll be 22 tomorrow like washing the vomit out of your hair at 4pm
There should be a rule.......that if you have a small penis you must wear a hat with propellers on it so you can fly the hell off the planet.
fucked a girl in Bentley hall at ten tonight, came on the carpet and I plan on doing it in another building soon. Watch where you walk
He's got a british accent, a tounge ring, and he's wearing an eye patch... Of corse I'm fucking him
first he passed out on the toilet...then hugged it and screamed no no no as i tried to pull him out
Randomize