LETS GET FUCKED UP IN ONESIES TONIGHT.
I worry about you sometimes...
saw a man at the beach in a red speedo. when he rolled over he unintentionally displayed a HUGE skid mark.
im doing shots everytime lil jon says it in the song shots....blackout town here i come
you are the sluttiest virgin ive ever met
thanks it was an honor just to be nominated
Having a pigeon watch you poop is just creepy. Drunk or not.
I swear to god he's a one man village people.
My chemistry professor just asked me if I ever found a ride home from the bar last Saturday
I should show up to the gym drunk more often. I felt like i really motivated all the fat people.
Nice. I ate a jello shot out of a bovine blow up doll's love hole last night
Do you think the neighbors will know I was the one giving out the penis shaped lollipops to the children?
All she kept whispering was put your pickle in my mouth. Then she fell out of her barstool and chipped her tooth
My gynecologist got a full view of the obviously bite marked shaped bruises on my thighs. I just kept talking about work and hoped she wouldn't judge me.
All I know is that at 4 am I was walking down the street in my bra and his shorts and Im pretty sure I passed my grandma on her morning walk.
The guys are trying to figure out my orientation....think theyve settled on "drunksexual"
you were angry and didn't have anything else to throw so you threw a breakfast burrito...?
Randomize
