apparently the dude across the street has been dead for like a month. now I feel bad about pissing on his lawn
That sucks about the drama. But hey, it's always a good day when you see someone get tazed!
Dont care what i do tnt just as long as i get to chug a beer in somebodys face
I need to beat up a magician now. BRB.
he's a firefighter. like being a firefighter screams MY DICK IS HUGE SO I'M NOT AFRAID TO DIE IN THIS FIRE.
I'm not going to say what I did. You're smart enough to figure it out. But I did it. And you owe me 20$
You knew you'd end up at his house the minute you emptied the bowl of condoms into your purse.
Are u guys proud? I puked my brains out last night at a strip club. While my two fave strippèrs held my hair
I'm the kind of girl who misses her mouth when trying to eat, do you honestly think I'm coordinated enough to wear heels during sex?
I feel like I have a very capable uterus.
The ride home was alright, we hooked up in the street next to his car after he smashed into the guard rail
The moment when you and your BFF compare frequently used emojis and realize you have similar mental disorders and a really weak alibi.
After I asked for my 6th Gin & Tonic, the look on the flight attendant's face started to make me feel bad about myself.
I had such a bad bruise on my knees from blowing him so much, he asked if he could sign it...
the orange of my hangover Tang is hurting my eyes... my coworkers knew it was hangover Tang too.
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