Will you blow on my dice?
Ok im wearing a joe flacco jersey and full stick on unibrow and hardly anyone else dressed up omg
Omg suz!! take the unibrow off
No! im just getting hammered instead
Apparently, banging my bartender ex-girlfriend = free drinks again. Not every bad decision is a wrong decision.
I'm out of vodka and money. My semester is officially over. The way I see it, my finals are just forms I need to fill out in order to leave campus.
How can it be called memorial day weekend....I don't even remember this weekend
Did you pluck my eyebrows one night when I passed out?
you got me arrested i just think that goes without question you owe me a blowjob
Rode my bike to work still drunk. Almost threw up on a camper while getting him out of his parents car.
Watching the tv in the reflection of my phone cause I'm too hungover to roll over.... Yes it is 4 PM...
The bad news is tonight is also a blue moon, ergo, latin, I will have to get 'once in a blue moon' drunk which I feel is significantly more dangerous than IPO drunk
There must be a happy medium universe where you get it on with my girlfriend enough to cause me pain but not a full on cardiac arrest. It's a fine line to tread though.
I need to be drunk within 15 minutes of getting home tonight.
well when I said that I would ride his face until he ran out of oxygen, that's when I knew I shouldn't be around beautiful people anymore.
i tried to break up pigeon sex because one looked too young to consent. fireball feminism ftw
...and with one comment dissing Hannibal Lecter, I suddenly understood why we never worked out.
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