if it were possible I'd exchange my vagina for a diff one on the black market.
Since when does a beard not count as proof of age at the liquor store?
Why is there an appointment in my calandar called "get the fuck to the bus" at 3 am june 19th?
Well the good news is my "i'm an adult" dinner party went well, they all brought wine and complimented my cooking abilities. the bad news is i woke up with the leftovers in my bed/on my face
On a separate but also a very relevant note, can we practice drinking wine like real people?
I just found a casserole dish in my oven filled with broken glass, blood, and chopsticks. And the REALLY fucked up thing is that finding it answered more questions than it raised.
We just reached that moment of the night when you start making cookie quesadillas. Party on Wayne
Doing tequila shots with my ex to celebrate that we broke up... not awkward at all.
I know he'd never cheat on me. It'd be like choosing Mexican tap water over Patron.
She got tired so now we're making anyone who has a stupid idea go into her bedroom so she can sleepslur "good idea" or "baaaad idea." We're calling her the queen of the misguided.
Just got a message from a drag queen on okcupid. I cant even catfish successfully.
We put a ban on pants at an unusually early point in the night.
Can I join you for some emotional "Post: The Ohio State University's first lose in football after a 24 game winning streak" sex?
How am i even supposed to meet his daughter? "Hi, Claire, I hear we have so much in common, like we both love your Dad and also we're almost the same age."
If your talking about a poncho I WANT ONE
just threw up in a gas staton parking lot in front of a father and son. stared them in the eyes and finished like a boss
Randomize
