fyi, we didn't break up, we just downgraded to occasional sex without ever talking about it.
my mom found all the used condoms in my bed side table
whatd she say to you?
no words- put them all in a circle, put the bible in the middle
Someone just asked me if ur the girl that fell through the floor. I HAD to say yes.
took off my bra and popcorn fell out of it. im gonna puke at this wedding...
He's so drunk he thinks he's the ultimate warrior. Told cops he was from parts unknown. Never broke character
Dude I just saw a beer truck w taps in the side... It's like god heard my prayers and sent me a gift from heaven
What!? It's 7:30am on gameday. This keg is not going to drink itself.
dude, i just found out morgan freeman loves weed. all my moms arguments are now irrelevant
Also lets pinky promise right now that we will NOT play "Pony" outside of each other's rooms if we have a hook up over
I'm glad you found someone that both loves you and is cool doing coke off your tits. Proud of you.
I am the oldest one here and I STILL feel like I need an adult. help.
hooked up with him and then had a conversation with his ex about how we hate people who hook up with our exs...
I'm mainly pissed because I shaved fucking EVERYTHING for this. WITH SHAVING CREAM. Men do not appreciate how rarely that happens.
If you think me talking about that hot guy accepting my LinkedIn request is pornographic, I’m not sure how you’re gonna feel when I tell you I fucked a stranger on a park bench last weekend
If there's someone that knows accidental pantlessness, it's Mike.
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