Some girl just toasted to friendship and love. I want to break her neck.
Is it too weird if im a sexy tampon for halloween?
you kept making us tell you how cute you looked in your new outfit, even after you threw up all over it
..She then engaged in what she called an "interpretive pole dance"
There is a guy dressed as Captain America in the theatre. I want to make out with him even though I have no idea what he looks like. Wish me luck, I'm going in.
Under no circumstances is it ok to do naked cartwheels in front of anyone. i don't care how much ecstasy you took
he said i balance and complete him. i feel sick
Last night was the first and hopefully last night I will ever sleep in a hotel bath tub. Sober mind you.
I'm not even gonna ask.
I have a rage boner right now. An actual erection brought on by the amount of sheer hatred I have towards nationwide.
I'll miss you, too. On the bright side, a night away from one another might give me a chance to recup seminal fluids.
I know I say this every year but 2015 will be the year I finally have sex with David's sister
I don't fucking know. He perched his parrot on his dick. I left after that.
I'm killing it this week, I've peed my pants and put my vibrator into the washing machine.
I sit across from him at graduation so I get to stare at him and think about how I fucked his step brother and laugh to myself
All i remember from last night was that i was sitting on the toilet for a good hour eating a philly cheesesteak hotpocket... then i woke up... in my bed.
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