i'm not a human right now. not even a dancer.
Sitting in the library lobby in the middle of exam week. Drunk. Dressed as santas slutty helper. Waiting for the student shuttle service. People are clapping for me as they walk by. Tell me how this isnt college
Remember that crazy chick I've been ignoring and said I wouldn't bang her again? Can we start that again part today?
JUST SAW MY DRUG DEALER SOBER AND GOING TO CLASS. This is weird, its almost like he's an actual student whio leaves his room...
I guess I'm in a committed relationship. We just had shot 1 of 3 of Gardasil. I'm now dead inside.
I am trying to think of a way to tell him about thanksgiving and the following weekend in a way that makes me sound funny and exciting and not like an alcoholic
I never should have let my cousin and his pregnant girlfriend move in with me. I'm never having sex again. They scare off men more than 'my dream wedding' pin board.
I don't remember but we shouldn't have a problem. Unless drunk you encouraged drunk me not to wear a condom.
I think we have a problem.
if i ever wake up in the morning and don't feel a boner in my asscrack then this relationship is over
Going to the bathroom drunk while wearing overalls is such a struggle
Some small part of me hopes I'm on the probationary list because of seeing the Dean at that fetish party.
Good, be his mentor. Like a tiny gay Yoda.
YOU RAISED A SWORD OVER YOUR HEAD AND SCREAMED AT HIM WHAT THE FUCK ELSE DID YOU THINK WOULD HAPPEN?!
I hope every time you eat hashbrowns you think about me, the awesome sex we had and how great we could have been.
Uess honpr I rememebrt hEzS cuter
You'll have to translate that into sober in the morning.
Randomize
