Todays outfit involves shorts with embroidered fish. This kids gonna die.
I'm at the house listening to vengaboys alone. Please come home.
he was fingering me, then looked down and said "i like your socks"
he left me a note this morning. it said "thank you for letting me touch you"
i walked in and you were spoon feeding your sister grape juice out of a tupperware.
Mark is going to get hypothermia. he is shirtless eating snow bc he "doesnt want to be dehydrated" tomorrow. youre in charge.
Operation liquormelon is in full effect. We may die tonight.
Sweet. I'm actually coaching my work study into a 4-girl orgy so dinner was kinda important. Yes, I'm the best boss ever.
Fair warning, if I start singing "Kiss Me, I'm Shitfaced" at any point tomorrow, just go with it
Get over here asap there are three naked girls two bottles of whiskey and only one of me
Think i may just have managed the saddest high-five in history. Finished a sudoku and high-fived myself, then looked around for somebody to high five. there was noone. forever alone.
You bet your firm but soft ass I miss you
I was just told that I'm the Sherlock Holmes of drunken sex. I'll take it.
My shower turned into a bath, turned into me lying on the shower floor with the water running over me... That hung over..
dude me and this dog are gonna go bond oon the tramplene with stromboli... i think everyone is staring at me... being this high is SO stressful
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