dude you made out with his girlfriend and stole his credit card to buy more drinks
well when you put it that way, I sound like a terrible person
Please sleep at your girlfriend's tonight
Why?
'Cause I wanna jack off tonight.. And you being in the room makes things awkward
Coming home soaking wet at three am and trying to convince the front desk man that we came from the library might have worked if I wasn't also roaring at everything.
they told me they were banning four lokos so yeah i did have to buy 42 of them
Don't bother coming over to clean the mess. I already paid two kids 5 bucks for it, just didn't tell them you peed all over the place. You do owe me 5 bucks though
Overall win. We all know who got to sleep on the concrete outside of Denny's with you.
I literally told her "she's a sandwich I'd like to make" and that's all it took
I fucking, woke up on a couch with a towel as a blanket to someones lion king ringtone.
Oh my god. I'm not ready to be an adult. I'm not ready.
He just walked from his house to mine. Walked in and asked for a hug and then left.. And he's sober.
Fuck yeah GAYNESS
*explodes into glitter*
How bad would it be to ask my maintenance man for new blinds because the dude puked on those too?
You're right. Cause really... I'm in the back of his head. Even though what I said was better than "I have herpes"... I did once say that to him. So I'm like a reoccurring nightmare.
I'm sorry my shit is everywhere... I accidentally got drunk while packing
Just deepthroated a hot dog. Thinking of you
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