Is it bad that my booty call's snoring was more interesting than the sex we had last night?
im watching shaqs comedy special. this is how i know im not sober.
You know your in college when you use the receipt from the liquor store as a bookmark
My 10 year old brother handed me a pack of condoms and said "here, i don't wanna be an uncle yet."
Just put my hand under my pillow and found a peach ring. Lat night just came rushing back.
We were just at different life stages. He wanted to get married and have kids, I wanted to take MDMA and fuck my roommate.
Every time I think about it I can feel His toe in my mouth and I gag, I'm scarred for life.
You were so drunk, you called my cruise control, the "auto pilot" and asked my car politely to take us to Taco Bell.
Sobered up midsex and just went with it. After he tried cuddling and I awkwardly rolled out of the bed to find someone on the floor, apparently it was his room so he got to listen.
I convinced a girl making out is a secret handshake
Yeah no problem. What are blow job angels for anyways
This really high kid past out in the corner of the room holding a box of cheez its in his arm. My idol.
He just felt my tits to find out which piercing I lost.
you tried to make the parrot smoke your joint
If he brings home bacon, dont let him leave. Dont screw this one up. this may be our last chance.
Randomize
