6:33 AM: I'm drunk at this time of morning.
You decided to make a porno with gummy bears and things went downhill from there.
Bring my lunch to work in liquor store bags is doing nothing for my career
I feel like today should be a " im going to have sex with you cause its raining and theres nothing else to do" kinda day
I was sitting on the floor of CVS chugging white grape juice until someone asked me to leave.
Euphemism? No, "pantsless vodka yoga" is a legitimate pastime of mine
surprisingly organic peanut butter is not the best chaser
You bought champagne and told everyone it was because I'd just found out I was pregnant. How exactly is that being a good wingman?
you should probably know that there's a naked dude in your window
i wouldn't normally say anything but you seem to not be there
actually there are like 49038098 people in the bathroom for no reason. Singing My Heart Will Go On and pseudo fighting.
Crowning achievement. I bought ranch dressing and emergency contraception.
the good news is I finally used my captain america waffle maker to make captain america waffles
You were drinking tequila through a straw.. and kept waving your arms at me and getting this intense stare down as you muttered something about jedi mind tricks.
I'm not drunk or hungover and I don't have to work. My body is sooo confused!
Just made my first drink, took 2 sips feel like god
Randomize
