Still at the library. i hate tax accounting so much that i've started calling it potions...
Professor took us out for drinks. She said if I ordered the 64oz "Call a Cab," she'd give me an A. I drank it in 5 minutes. A+?
you'll never guess what i found when i got home...
a cake, in the toilet
you were on ground yelling about how close the floor was to your face.
You tried to sled down the middle of the street. In. Your. Coat. Of course you are bruised.
Bro I can't jerk it to my phone anymore. I feel Siri staring back, and she's real disappointed.
Tequila me may have very bluntly told him that I wanted to touch his abs.
Fuck you for setting me up with the guy from the Nickelback cover band
Payback for not stopping me from fucking the guy in the wookie costume
It was fine until he came back to my place, grabbed a beer, HIGH-FIVED me, and left.
you're usually drunk when you offer. there's one time you called me, told me not to dye my hair red, and asked if i wanted to see your tits.
God dammit not the cupcake channel. Not when I'm high.
I have a 30 pack and enough condoms to last until tomorrow morning. Have Mystery Science Theater 3000 ready. I'm on my way over.
I've Ubered to the bar three times this weekend to get my car but every time I get there I end up drinking. Still no car.
I don't trust my subconscious. It sleeps with my exboyfriend sometimes.
The beauty of getting kicked out of college again is I can fuck my professor's brains out and she can't get fired now
Randomize
