How did people poop without Blackberrys?
Motorola Razers?
Stone age, man.
We literally played a game called pass the child which consisted of us shitfaced tossing the 5 year old birthday boy at each other
so the good news is that i can't possibly burn my eyelashes off tonight at the bbq.
It's my first ever "i'm sorry for my excessive drug use" hand turkey. And I think it's pretty boss.
Oh god. Standing was a rash decision
I made it to Starbucks to do work and I've just been sitting here with my head on the table for 30 minutes...
We're walking, taxis are a waste of money that can be spent on alcohol.
Have bite marks on my arm where my temporary tat was Saturday night. Did someone try to bite Captain America or something?
One of the many mysteries surrounding the weekend...
One of those days. Also, your pants are now in my protective custody.
You guys I wore sweatpants to work today because I simply forgot to put on real pants and I had a weed brownie and a juice box for breakfast. I am not ready for parenting.
How weird would it be to ask your bro to 3d print your dick for me
He gives me the same feeling I get when someone puts a margarita or German chocolate cake in front of me
I FEEL LIKE HILARY MUST FEEL WHEN TRUMP MANSPLAINS AT HER
He literally knows my vagina better then I do.
Are you okay? You're not sitting at home on facebook. I'm worried about you.
you pulled out seven eyelashes and made me count them multiple times whilst crying hysterically.
Randomize
