if this week's events in iraq have taught me anything, it's that when pulling out, always expect a mess...
He had a number 3 tattooed on his penis. And when I asked what it meant, he said " you know like dale earnhardt, the intimidator".
And then he said "I can't get blown while Gordon Bombay and Mr. Holland stare at me from the TV"
She's okay as an interesting car wreck. But as a sexual object she's funny
apparently i was just sitting there with my shirt down holding my boobs saying "its ok. its all gonna be ok"
she gave me a blowjob during our lunchbreak and expected me not to tell people
We realized he wasn't with us anymore, so we turn around and he's 20 feet back, peeing on a squirrel.
Wow just saw this. Nothing like a little anal sex to ring in 2012.
And now she's hand feeding me pork rines and showing me her angry birds high scores. This is Vegas.
I dunno what he did but it both burns and feels amazing to pee
I think I'm the only sober person in the whole bar. If you count drinking less than 10 tequilas sober.
For future reference. Do not congratulate the bar tender at oscars she is not pregnant she has just gotten fat u will get a shot thrown in your face
I ordered more beers for everyone but had to finish them all. I promptly went outside and projectile vomited in the street. Three times.
We smoked weed. AS A FAMILY. IT WAS BEAUTIFUL.
Emergency. I brought a boy home and we fell asleep, but I just woke up to him peeing against my bedroom wall. So I brought him to the bathroom but he fell over and he's sleeping in the tub. Can I leave him there? Because that's what I've done.
Better the hardwood than the carpet, right?
It's not even 7 yet. She's singing you are my sunshine to the smirnoff bottle.
Randomize
