Her sister's ass was worth my getting thrown out of the house.
Puked in a plastic neiman Marcus bag while driving. My biggest accomplishment yet
Ya know, years from now when that kid is old enough, I'll get to regale him with the story of how I was his father's AND uncle's first gay experience.
If youre the one that ate my brownies this morning I only have two things to say to you
Those had pot in them
And good luck on your interview asshole
he likes to slap my ass alot untill he missed and hit his own balls poor bastard kept on going.
found a half eaten roll befind my toilet today. my birthday just keeps popping up.
Some girl at the bar was showing us her chipped tooth as a pick up line.
I am broke enough to accept it. If I get poisoned, you can have my shoes
Who knew drunk me could climb a 17 story building for apple juice and sex
He said he doesnt believe in the female orgasm,so no I did not have sex with him.
He made the Waffle House lady get me out of the car. This isn't a joke.
If it was any colder outside, the frost from my breath would make a mixed drink
I didn't really understand how big 10 inches is. Now I know.
Hot guy next to me on the flight lives near my grandparents. There’s a 100% chance I end up drunk and naked in his hot tub
Happy Thanksgiving to me!!!
the voting booth dude cock blocked me or she woulda totally blown me in the voting booth.
Randomize
