If there was a creeper hall of fame you and me would be the first two inductees
I think "bars open christmas minneapolis" is the saddest google search i've ever done.
One reason I don't come to Portland. I saw 8 guys I have had sex with last night. At the same party.
By 8 I mean 9.
And by 9 I mean 10.
I'm on strict orders from her to keep sleeping with you until you give her a job next summer.
Does the whole "it was New Years" excuse apply this year?
I was in the shower, he came in, had me give him a blow job, and left. I'm pretty sure I was just booty called. While taking a shower.
I'll probably just lay on my couch bra-less sipping wine out of a straw so I don't have to lift my head.
I thought turtle was a code word for weed until he pulled out a baby turtle from his pocket and said "$20 for a turtle"
I guess, just don't make it awkward
MY FUCK BUDDY'S MOTHER FRIEND REQUESTED ME! IT'S ALREADY AWKWARD COREY
And I can say one thing, I look pretty good in high wasted pants. I don't know if that helps. But I do. God I'm high.
Young lesbians are the worst. And also what got me through high school, sooooo
"suitors" is just a nice way of her saying "the guys i'm fucking"
Do you think in an oreo forest they would have rivers of milk?
I'm so high I have morphed into the monopoly man. Or maybe the Pringles guy. I don't know but I have a mustach now
Can we throw a "death to my 20s" party when I turn 30?
Sure. Funeral attire and hard liquor
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