my girlfriends now gay ex-boyfriend kissed me. tell maddie i can't hangout today
I'm at the point in my career when i know a sites a trap and isn't real porn
The sex was so good, I called my ex during the 2nd time just so he could hear. Is that mean?
I tried ok? my penis just doesnt like her as much as my mother does
we just ordered 30 dollars worth of french fries...whats wrong with us?
there was some random girl that nobody really knew, standing in the corner trying to shave her armpits with a plastic butter knife.
Talk me down man. Writing a paper drunk and about to buy Celine Dion's greatest hits.
I think I just sold a snake to a stoned teenager.
As if right now I am a humanitarian. Full story to come in the morning. It involves sex.
Im officially canceling McCormick Monday. I got a raise.
Sooo grey goose Tuesday?????
Do you have any idea how hard it is to iphone keyboard type "roflcopter" when intoxicated?
So apparently they remodeled our middle school. Looks like we'll need to find a new roof to play beer pong on this summer.
Hey do you remember me?
You were a giant banana.... how could I forget.
I left him naked in his bed. I did cover his junk with a blanket in case his roommate walked in later though. so I don't feel as bad about it.
You're so sweet in the most vulgar ways
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