No, don't ignore my call, i just need to know, whats cuter a pig in boots or a miniature horse sitting down..
So the coke mirror was perfectly angeled at my face right when i woke up this morning. I now know how I'd look on intervention.
at john mayer concert. alone. to many highschool kids. i feel like a drunk chaperone with a pomegranite martini mustache
She said that I needed to "pregame her so it can slip right in."
Showing up at the grocery store at 5am to have the clerk sprint to the condom cabinet waiving the keys because you told him to hurry it was an emergency
I was mixing candy canes and coors light and was in a great place.
The party got hot, we all started raging, took off some clothes, someone threw me in the shower and we all kept raging. Nude Rager, I was there at the point of conception.
It took me half an hour to realize I didnt know them
Just tried to dig out holes in my mattress for my boobs so I could be comfortable lying down on my stomach
Haha ohman remember when I peed in your blender? Gotta love college.
YOU DID WHAT???
I feel like you're the sexual bearcat I've always wanted to be.
His truck was very sexy. Unfortunately, shortly thereafter, I discovered that the whole overcompensating thing is very true...
Also I think I set a new personal record. Definitely slept with him less than 45 minutes after meeting him. Oh god my life.
I just revenge puked in his shoes. This is gonna be a fun night :)
Slept in and having coffee. No sounds of whipping and no veiny dildos next to me. This is good. How's your mornin?
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