3am cut off hipster s***'s afro on porch. Opened champagne. Felt like delilah cutting off samson's hair. Then shower & anal. So I guess his powers are intact.
We named our party play list daddy issues
Oh. My. God. Best non-relationship, he-might-be-cheating-on-his-boyfriend-but-I-can't-tell-because-of-the-language-barrier sex EVER!
Just bought plan B with a coupon. Told the pharmacist I like to keep it classy.
Every day you talk to me ... I literally love you more..
You kept saying "sir officer" which would have been polite and helped you if it wasn't a female. She was pissed.
you were cooking a hot pocket with a grill lighter what did you want me to do
In an m&m suit playing manhunt drunk. And you thought you werent guna have a good time
We almost forgot to tip the maids, so we left the rest of the gin, some tonic water and a lime. They earned it
I am going to make your legs soar from cumming so much
Like they're going to fly away?
it's just one of those nights where i don't care if anyone sees my vagina
At some point during thanksgiving the image of me pooping on ur moms chest will come to you. Your welcome!
I need an adult. someone more adult than my current state
We were having sex in the gardens when the grounds keeper walked up on us. He gave me a thumbs up and walked away
How many fucks given?
0.12846
Oh yeah, you are a real peach except for shitting uncontrollably and bleeding out of your face.
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