the girl sitting next to me in class is using her birth control box as a ruler
my mom hid the smirnoff from me. this is the most fucked up game of hide and seek EVER
The guatemalans kept making all these sexual suggestions ... With the corn
I ended up staying at a police station for being a witness in a public masturbation case..NOW do you believe me that I've never had a good St. Patrick's Day?
On a lighter note, my mom and I were playing scattergories, and for "things that you keep hidden" we both put dildo. Proof that we really are related.
She just tricked me into telling her the balance of my 401k... She's like a gold digging jedi mind trick ninja
We were walking up the stairs and I asked Dominick what floor the party was on. The cop who had just tried breaking it up was walking down the stairs, drinking a slurpee, and answered, "Third floor."
I just ordered 30 klonopins from India that could probably be anything from Viagra to Midol. You need to find another friend to get advice from right now
Two days later and my throat is still sore. That bong is a double edged sword.
I was less embarrassed asking him to torrent the teen mom's porn. I'm not gonna ask him to about season 4 of PLL.
woke up to a case of keystone on my porch when I went to bed at seven that morning.. I think it's someone's peace offering for getting my roommates car towed
We grabbed as many adult diapers as we could and made a run for it.
Just paid my weed guy with a check. I've got this whole adult thing down.
That awkward moment when the guy you were hitting on at the bar last night is a possible suspect in a murder case.
While she was pissing on the neighbors shrubs, they threatened to call the cops...she mumbled 'don't threaten me with a good time", so to answer your question, yes she was drunk.
Randomize
