I must have had a great time last night.. I woke up with coconut oil all over my glasses
Her vagina should come with caution tape.
Ambien does the same to me. One time that I took it, I got this huge bowl of spaghetti out of the fridge and thought it was a castle and that the meatballs were little slaves. I ate all of them first and then the noodles were the soldiers and the sauce was the water in the moat. And when I finished, I fell up the stairs and threw it all up.
He told me they were just razor bumps!
You were sitting at the bus stop holding hands with some Polish girl you just met, who was just as drunk as you were, and you kept trying to light your Kit Kat and smoke it.
Come over and play the Jeter 3000 drinking game. You drink if the commentators say "captain" or "3000". I'll drink if they say "overrated" or "past his prime".
Come make me food. I feel like if I go in the kitchen I will just get Gin.. and pass out in there.
Okay we're getting vodka and coming
Okay. Joe has my machete attached to his belt
Got high with dad and hunted squirrels in the basement. Is this seriously what my life has come to?
you know that feeling on acid where you think the world stops just to fuck with you? That's what it felt like.
He said he actually "met" me for the first time through a picture his housemate had of me, drunk and passed out in a pool of my own vomit, on the floor of his basement.
My dad's girlfriend is driving through the snow to bring me my purple haze. If he doesn't wife her up, we have a bigger issue on our hands.
:(. i have vodka in a fire extinguisher. that solves all problems. except fires. it would actually make that worse.
I'm stuck on a cliff. I'm not sure how I got here or how to get down. Please send help. And clothes.
Just come here quick. I'm home in 3min. It will take you literally less than 5 to walk. Then 2 to undress, 16 to fuck, 2 to dress again and 5 to walk back..!!
exactly 16 eh??
Randomize
